end of an era...

::pic taken on the train back to the city::

a new chapter in life...
before a begining,
there's always an end to something...
how much are we willing to let go of that?
wat if that 'something' means the world to you?
wat if that 'something' defines who you are?
wat if that 'something' is your source of life?
wat if that 'something' brings you happiness?
would you be willing to forego all that?
would you be willing to start from scratch?
so how much are you willing to let it all go?
a new chapter doesnt always hafta mean
something great is coming your way.
it just means that we hafta work harder
to achieve wat we may haf lost, or to
maintain whatever we already possess.
i would never have imagined life
being so complicated, so cruel,
so empty, so superficial, so hurtful,
so self-oriented, so unforgiven...
many would say that it's these challenges
that make life so much more interesting,
fullfilling, satisfying...
bullshit.
it doesnt hafta be.
why is it that when i try so hard to achieve something,
it just goes to waste...
nothing's really been appreciated.
i'm so sick of everything right now.
"jaded" is over-used.
"fucked up" isn't my style...
i'll just go with "ultra mega horrible'...

is it so hard to be with someone you love?!
i love you. you love me. period.
i cant understand why we cant be together.
the mind changes like the direction of the wind...
one minute i'm your soulmate,
the next i'm someone you wana hate.
who is to blame?
me, for trying to substain the relationship?
you, for feeling this way?
let's just blame the weather
so we can get it over and done wif.
i still love you.
and i dun understand why you need to
stop loving me when you still do.
i wish you would have me back,
so we can live our dreams again...
it doesnt hafta be this tough,
because it isn't to begin with.
pls take my hand again....
and place it on your heart...
cos i love an ass like you wif all my heart...
and i'm no fool in loving you....

this may very well be my
last year in melbourne.
it isnt a joke,
it isnt a prank.
but it's something that i've
considered for a long while.
june would be crucial,
meetings would be held,
my next move in life
would be determined then.
i'm no quitor,
i'm no loser,
i'm definitely not insane.
my plan is to continue doing what i love
back home in singapore.
i love design and would never
give that up. never!
i have spoken to a few friends,
and they have been very supportive.
even my mum told me that it's
no point doing something i love
when i'm not happy at all.
i'm not sure where this would lead me,
but i'm hoping in doing so, would allow me
to be happy doing wat i love.
i need you to know that i'm not doing this for you.
for once, i'm gona be selfish,
for once, i'm doing this for myself.
for once, i wana be happy doin wat i love.
i hope you'll understand why i'm doing this.
i really hope you do.
becos if you do, you would support me all the way
and help me through this transition.
no, i'm not gona rely on you.
no, i'm not gona be a burden to you.
but you know, it's always nice to have
someone i love to be there for me.

so far, my plans are either
continuing my graphic design degree in NTU's design school.
OR continuing graphic design in Laselle SIA,
and then go on to complete a degree course.
the good thing is i dun hafta start right from the first year.
nothing's been set, but i'm hoping everything pulls through.
it would be nice if any of you have any other suggestions.

::just me...::
"seems like yesterday, you were a part of me.
i used to stand so tall, i used to be so strong,
your arms around me tight, everything it felt so right,
unbreakable like nothing could go wrong.
now i cant breathe, no i cant sleep,
i'm barely hanging on.
here i am, once again, i'm torn into pieces...."

so...
would you be there receiving
me with opens arms?
would you be there with
a smile across your face?
would you be there to hold
me and not let me go?
would you be there whispering
these words "i'm glad you're back"
into my ears...

happy birthday

::a pic of my mum i took with my LC-A a long time ago::
it's your birthday and i wish
i'm there to celebrate it with you.
you mean the world to me
and i love you ma with all my heart.
wishing you good health.
wishing you joy.
wishing you love.
wishing you a fabulous birthday!
happy birthday ma.

::a scan pic of the dvd "15::
i was fortunate enough to get
my hands on royston tan's
controversial film "15", here in melbourne.
a pity singapore's not able to sell
it's own home-made film....
i remember watching it a few years ago.
watching it again was a whole new experience.
i vaguely remember most of it.
but i enjoyed every bit of it.
"15" ia a fearless depiction of truanting, bullying,
body-piercing, self-harming, porn-watching,
drug smuggling, prostitution, crypto-gay bonding,
amateur rapping, fake tattoos...
royston tan confronts the reality of suicides
with wicked black humour and puts it all
in beautiful, lush, vibrant colours...
a provocative film exposing a gritty side of
modern-day singapore life that will
blow your mind away...

watching "15" only made me miss
singapore a whole lot more.
there was this scene which was filmed
at S21 bedok... i used to go there all
the time with my family on sundays.
and to see far east plaza, wisma,
orchard on the whole... man...
and the best part is, the last frame
of the movie was shot at tanah merah...
my gawd... tanah merah... home...
wat a way to end the movie...
fark... i miss home...

i had someone telling me
i'm no longer the dylan he used to know.
who is this "old dylan" anyway?
do i know him?
should i know him?
i have no recollection of this old dylan...
cheery, bubbly, easily excited, always smiling,
expressive, caring, friendly, passionate,
not afraid of pursuing stuff, dedicated,
fun, optimistic, loving, fearless...
i'm afraid you got the wrong person...
cos this dylan is none of the above...

i have this assignment titled "me myself i".
it's for my graphic design studio and
i'm to select 4 words from the dictionary
that decribes my personality,
making 4 postcards to visually interpret
these words...
my four words:
-loving:
behaving in a way that shows you love someone
-dreamer:
someone who dreams while they are asleep;
someone who has ideas or plans that are not
practical
-complex:
an emotional problem in which someone is
unneccessarily anxious about something or
thinks too much about something
-isolation:
a feeling of being lonely and unable to meet
or speak to other people

do these words reflect who i really am?

it seems unhappiness is set at default,
and only the occassional glitches or
virus attack would bring forth happiness.
in my experence happiness is not a
permanent state, but a number of
experiences that at one particular
moment satisfy us in such a way that
we call it happiness.
these moments can be long or
very short...

the month of may has arrived.
how would may fair?
i wana think that it would be fabulous.
but that can only be wishful thinking.

::remember this pic we took behind hereen?::
my flight is set.
and i'm ready to jet.
7th of june, is when i head home.
less than a month,
and i'm feeling my heart pound.
not out of excitment,
not out of joy.
but out of anxiety,
but out of nervousness.
would you be there receiving
me with opens arms?
would you be there with
a smile across your face?
would you be there to hold
me and not let me go?
would you be there whispering
these words "i'm glad you're back"
into my ears...

"do not anticipate future unhappiness"
"take one day at a time"...
i wish that i would finally find out
what my destiny in life is, and that i
were able to fullfill that destiny.
cos right now, i'm in a lost....

there might be a chance i
would be going back to lomo-ing...
i.e. taking pics with my LC-A
or even holga. i'm even considering
buying myself a supersampler...
a camera which i have always wanted
for a very very long time...
(i would be a very happy person if
someone would like to sponsor...)
but it's all dependant on my situation,
and the timing as well...

pics i took with my v3i

::sunset from my apartment::

::pic taken at st jeromes::

::pic taken in graphic design class. taj is busy drawing on his sketch book. sam's beside him, and he too is drawing...::

::pic taken at MAMADUKES cafe. fiona and kumiko discussing about plans in winter. sorry girls, but as you know, i'm heading back to singapore.... so cant join you all...::