trial and error?

the wait is killing me

::i drew a bean spout on this sketching thingy. i don't quite know the name it but i used to draw on them all the time when i was a little kid. even till now, i just love doodling on it. draw something, erase it, then start all over again. wish life was like that eh?::
so how did i fare for my 3 days trial?
it was extremely busy and exhausting.
for the 3 days, i was thrown into the mosh pit and was expected to swim/crawl/dig my way out of it.
seriously, they gave me tons of projects to complete and what made it worse was the fact that i had to pick up from where they left off.
it's tough when it comes to design because everyone designs and work different.
a simple text paragraph could be done in a couple of ways.
every time they hand me a new assignment, i would spend the first 15 minutes trying to figure where all the links, pictures, text and files are before i can make the necessary amendments.
and because the company is so establish, i'm dealing with thousands of files and it's just insane trying to find 1 particular file that i dun even know exist in the first place.
yes, simply put, it's like finding a needle in a stack of hay.

on the first day, it was pretty overwhelming.
the second day was way better.
the third day was effing crazy!!!
i had to deal with multiple projects simultaneously.
had to do the html for edms, landing pages and websites for some major big client.
a very major big international computer company i might add.
therefore, i had to make sure i do not make any single mistakes.

overall, despite the busy schedule, i did have some fun because this is all so new to me and i'm constantly learning from them.
what i like about working for them is that they don't bother you at all and let you do what is needed to be done.
everyone is expected to take their own initiative and even if there is a deadline to be met, no one is there to hurry you. they have this sense of trust that you will complete it in time.

as i have mentioned before, i do really want to work with them.
i have done my best during the 3 days trial.
i feel i have done well. (they said i was good)
i have the passion and motivation needed to excel.
i know i have what it takes to be a great designer.
i just wish they would consider me to be a part of their team.

they were supposed to get back to me last friday.
but they didn't.
then on tuesday, i received an email from the creative director.
in the email, she thanked me for the three days and informed me that there is another young lady on trial this week. they will let me know of my placement at the end of the week.

i'm disappointed....
and furious.
i dun understand why i have to be put into such a situation.
this job application... it's taking forever!!!
2 interviews and a trial... now i have to compete with a 'young lady'...
what more do they want? (my guess is 3 months probation if i get it)
this is ridiculous...
i hate the waiting!
it's been almost a month and i'm still waiting for a yes/no from them...
argh...

and just to clear things up,
i have been applying for other jobs too.
i have been sending out my resumes for the last 2 weeks...
but it's also taking them forever to get back to me.
argh...

i'm not giving up yet.
no i'm not.
but time is not on my side.
i have up to next january to get a job,
if not there'll be a high chance i might hafta fly back to singapore for good.

sigh...
i guess this "rich-spoilt-brat-who-gets-whatever-he-wants" is learning a thing or two about the harsh reality of life eh?
i do know what 'harsh life' is.
firstly, i was in the INFANTRY!!!
so i know what a 'shit life' is. i went through it for 2 and a half years.
(i have no respect for all the sissy clerks)

and yes, my parents may be loaded with cash,
but i'm not. and it's funny how people cant see the difference.
i would have gone into details as to how i survived with only $12.87 in my savings account,
but i choose not to, because i find it unnecessary, and i need no pity from anyone.

my point is, people shouldnt judge me.

i really am trying my best and not giving up.

just emotionally drained that's all...
but i'm feeling better just ranting it out...
whoever is reading this, thanks for tolerating my whining. :)

that's all for now...
XOXO
D