swelling with emotions

it's 3.21am.
i'm sitting here in front of my 4 year old powerbook,
listening to Sara Bareilles' Little Voice album as i'm typing this.
i'm swelling with emotions.
and it's clear cos i'm typing an entry into my blog.
"where my inner thoughts reside" is how i would described it.
but i havent touched it for as long as i can remember.
but that doesnt mean i havent been thinking...
that doesnt mean my life is at a stand still...
that doesnt mean i dont feel the world around me...
i do.
i'm swelling with emotions.
and maybe it's time to just type a little something for the world to know,
that i feel, and am very much alive.

as most of you guys would have known by now, i'm leaving for sydney.
in a week's time.
in a week's time....
2 months have just slipped by me.
2 months have just slipped by.....
i'm swelling with mix emotions.
i'm gona miss everyone again...
"what's new?" you may ask.
well let me tell you,
it's not easy saying farewells to people you love and care so much for.
"you're so lucky! i mean, you get to live and work overseas!!!" you may say.
well, let me tell you,
it's not easy living and working in a whole different and foreign country where
all your love ones are back home. you only get to see them once a year... 6000km apart...
separated by land and sea... and only a voice on the phone to say how much they love
and care for you... that they will support you no matter what it is.... think about it, is it easy
to be away from people who are there for you all the time?.... i dont think so.
"so why leave? you have a choice." you may reply.
well, let me say this,
i believe in sacrifices... i believe in the phrase "you reap what you sow". i have aspirations and goals.
to be at where i wana be, i need to do this. i need to do it so that i can come back and support
the people i love. it's about time i start earning my own paper.

i'm not sure if any of you feel that your parents are getting older.
i very much do.
and i'm not just refering to their age.
i only get to see them once or twice a year.
and everytime i do, i can just see it in them...
they are not wat they use to be 10 or even 5 years ago...
i'm swelling with emotions...
and i cant stop thinking about what i can and wana do for them.
there's just so much.
there's just so much.
there's just so much...
there's just not enough time...

tell me what would my future holds.
tell me that i'm doing it right.
tell me if i need to make a U turn.
tell me what the voices in my head are.
tell me to believe in myself.
tell me where i belong.
tell me that everything would be alright.
tell me that fear is non existent.
tell me the reasons for it all.
if someone would just tell me...
i dont have the answers, but i'll just take a step at a time,
and slowly move forward, looking out for the answers along the way.
i'm swelling with emotions and i cant get it out of my head.