depression

top of the world

::a polaroid i took during sunrise. i love this pic a lot::
high up in the sky,
overlooking the skyline,
taking in the surroundings in awe.
for a moment time stood still,
as i stoned at it, wishing if it was possible
that one day, i could be on it.
would the sunrise be more beautiful up there?
would the city seem more peaceful up there?
would the air be fresher up there?
or would i be fearing the height?
i would never know...
not till i get on it and be on top of the world...
for now, it's just me, my polaroid and my dreams...


::a drawing i did during class::
i find myself doodling in lectures or classes...
my secondary school textbooks used to be
vandalised with my rubbish fantasies,
creating new super power heros and heroines
as my biology teacher was going
through parts of the flowers.
a bad habit?
i wouldnt think so, as it was my doodling that
got me to where i am right now.
in fact, i wished i had drawn even more on my
notes or test papers...
however, i had a break from it when i was
serving my national service.
for 2 years, i never picked up my pencil.
a regretful action i must say,
for my drawing skills plundered.
and considering that i'm in the
illustrative, creative sector, it would have
benefitted me a whole lot.
however, i'm doodling again like before.
sure, my skills aren't the same, but with loads
of practice, i'm sure i would be on par.... hopefully...

the only person i can talk to when i'm down is myself...
as much as i wana believe that people would be there for me,
it doesn't happen...
sometimes i wonder if i had sprayed paint an entire wall,
would anyone even notice it....
are my actions justifiable?
wat am i doing all these for?
if people who supposedly cares for me the most dun appreciate,
then am i only doing it for myself?
proving to myself would not get me anywhere.
people know themselves the best, and the reason why
that is so is because other people do not bother to
take time out to understand that person.
i have lost hope seeking people for comfort.
apparently, it's my problems so i hafta deal it myself.

love is but a sham...
i wana spend my life wif you...
but apparently you are unhappy being with me...
it came too sudden.
i couldnt swallow it down.
my heart is in pieces...
but no one can mend it... except you...
i couldnt believe you didnt need me at all...
i wana be a part of your life,
but you could never open yourself to me...
i feel useless, yet disappointed and exhausted...
but even so, i still wana be with you till the end of time...
this is wat love does... drives you crazy for someone...
is it the end for us? i pray not...
for you bring happiness to my life...
and i just pray i'll be able to do the same...
pls dun leave me, you're all that i've got...
i really wished i hadnt gone to melbourne....


::pic taken with lipei at a photobooth along chapel street. love the light leaks::
thank you my friend.
you have been there for me in the darkest of times.
i could never thank you enough.
though you dun quite know wat to say,
or how to help me,
but your presence is enough to
make me feel a little better.
i dunno what i'll do without you.
you sacrificed your pajamas for my tears,
and woke up from slumber just to make
sure i felt better...
i could never ask for more.
my best friend, without a doubt.

'making a depressing return...'
go figure wat it really means...
i bet you'll be shocked if you know wat i mean...